Informing friends and family about your break-up

To: everyone who struggles with telling others about their heartbreak (especially men—like my old self—who preferred talking about football and crypto over personal emotions).

Without thinking too much, I stepped into my car and drove at high speed to my parents’ house, about 25 minutes away. I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t call them first. I, a 31 years old guy at the time, just showed up on a random Tuesday night, moments after my girlfriend had ended our 14-year relationship.

Collapsing in front of my parents

When they opened the door and asked, “What’s happening?”, I immediately collapsed into emotion. My parents sat down and tried to understand what had happened. I could see in their eyes they couldn’t believe the relationship was over. They started to ask many questions, but i remember my mom asking: can i give you a hug? That hug was heartwarming, breaking the 'patterns', because we are a family were love was most of the time showed in other ways than physical affection.

The next day, the official process of informing others began. And it was HARD.

Not only because saying it out loud made the break-up feel more real, but because it brought up a storm of emotions, especially shame and failure. It felt like I was a loser in life. Especially since I’d never really shared the struggles in my relationship, not even with my best friends. I always preferred talking about football, entrepreneurship, crypto, and other non-personal stuff. So I knew it would come as a huge shock to everyone that I was heartbroken. I also knew it was impossible to tell people without getting intensely emotional.

So I decided to send a text message instead, to avoid an emotional meltdown and spare myself from being “not strong”.

What actually happened when I told my friends?

I never expected the response I got. After receiving my text, some friends immediately took action. One friend—even though it was 10 PM on a Sunday and I knew he had to work very early the next day—got in his car and was with me in 20 minutes to talk and support me.

The talks, the supportive pats on the shoulder (we men still struggle with hugs), were life-changing in terms of friendship. Suddenly, I was having vulnerable conversations with all of them. We started sharing our own stories of pain and struggle.

Over the following weeks, my shame and sense of failure slowly turned into something else: deeper, more connected relationships with my closest friends. Today, I believe we’re all still reaping the benefits of that shift.

So my message to anyone going through this:

I know how hard it is to tell people. But be yourself. Be open. Show up with your truth. And celebrate the connection with the people who are there for you.